Becoming a Paratrooper
A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his...
View ArticleTyrannical Sergeant
So, the tyrannical sergeant major is called to the Colonel’s office: “Smith’s mother has just died can you tell him?” So the sergeant calls his men to the parade ground…. “Squad attention!, Smith your...
View ArticleHow To Drive In Los Angeles
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday...
View ArticleDoctor Checkups
A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red ‘H’ on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to...
View ArticleHate Your Job?
Try this… On your way home from work, stop at a pharmacy and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure to get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, close the...
View ArticleWheelchair Fun
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor dear was...
View ArticleJesus, Moses and the Old Man
There were three men playing a round of golf, Moses, Jesus, and an old man. They get to the 18th hole and Moses gets to tee-off first; he hits his ball into the water. Next up is Jesus, and he does the...
View ArticleOn a Lonely Island
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There’s plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he’s doing alright – but after a few months he gets lonely…...
View Article$1000 in the Collection Plate
Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until the priest, overcome by curiosity, approached her. “Sister, I couldn’t help but notice that you put...
View ArticleDying Preacher
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the...
View ArticleWhat Causes Arthritis?
A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk’s shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick, and he had a half empty bottle of wine...
View ArticleCatholic Heart Attack
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him...
View ArticleNurse Jenny
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. “She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.” said one doctor. “Just last week, I told her to give a...
View ArticleNew Virus Warning
Here is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or...
View ArticleYou’ve Been Programming Too Long When..
When you are counting objects, you go “0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D…”. When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits. When your wife says “If you don’t turn off that darn machine...
View ArticleLife Before The Computer
- Memory was something you lost with age - An application was for employment - A program was a TV show - A cursor used profanity - A keyboard was a piano - A web was a spider’s home - A virus was the...
View ArticleIt’s All Free
An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they...
View ArticleDesign Flaws
Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the...
View ArticleFixing The Pearly Gates
3 contractors are in a bar after work enjoying a cold one, when a truck crashes into the bar killing all of them. They are at the pearly gates and Saint Peter says “This is perfect the gates need...
View ArticleSymbolize Christmas
Three men die and meet Peter at the pearly gates. “In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.” The first man fumbled...
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